So after my frustration last week, I decided to try to let go a bit and stop driving myself crazy. We enjoyed a lovely Mother's Day weekend with a couple of minor indulgences that made me feel a bit better. I think after a while of too much strictness, it's good to enjoy food again... which makes me realize that I was probably being too strict and working out a little too hard. Getting in shape shouldn't be a depressing project, which it was becoming at that point. So, I relaxed just a bit over the weekend and thought that I was ready with a new outlook for this week. Well, then today, I did the most dreaded thing-- I tried on swimsuits. I wasn't going to until I reached my 155 goal, but when I realized that I might need to loosen up on that a bit, I thought I should go ahead and get a swimsuit because I am READY for the pool. It wasn't as enjoyable as I hoped it would be (except that Nora was with me, which makes anything more fun!). I realize that I've come a long way and I certainly look better than I did last summer, but it continues to be extremely frustrating to me that I work as hard as I do and that I haven't seen much progress in several months. After my shopping trip, I watched the Biggest Loser finale recorded from last night and while I thought it would motivate me, it only frustrated me more. I saw these people who did it-- they went all the way. Of course, I have no intention or desire to do what they have to do in order to accomplish their goals. I realize that in the real world, you can't lose weight that quickly and I am perfectly ok with that. The only thing that bothered me about it was just to see that it is possible to get the final result that a person desires while I feel like I'm working hard without the results. The swimsuit and show combination left me truly frustrated to the point of crying... which was ridiculous, but cathartic (although Mike might just leave it at "ridiculous"). I just feel like I'm so close to where I want to be and I can't quite get there. I've wanted this for 15 years and here I am.... just a little farther than I can reach, it has seemed. Well, after my minor emotional break down, I went to the gym for a good run and I talked to one of the trainers there. At the Lifetime, they have these fitness tests that they can do that will tell a person exactly how many calories they are burning during each workout and what they need to do individually to see progress. I have been working out much the same over the last year and it seems that my body is just used to it. On one hand, I guess it's a good thing that my heart is so well-conditioned to running 6 or more miles. On the other hand, I need to make it work a little harder in order to burn the fat. So I'll have the test done on Saturday and the trainer will put me on a 12-week program. I'll buy a heart rate monitor which will tell me what my heart rate is and exactly how many calories I'm burning during each workout. I'm also going to do another test that will tell me just how many calories I should be consuming in order for my body to work efficiently. The trainer suspects that I'm not getting enough, which is also a hinderment to weight loss efforts, it appears. These are some pretty high-tech things we'll be doing so I'm confident that they are accurate and that this will help me get to the next level. It may seem ridiculous to some to spend money on this but listen, I work incredibly too hard to not be where I want to be and quite frankly, I deserve to be there. 15 years people! And besides, it's not much money anyway... if it'll get me the rest of the way, it will be worth every penny. The prospect of doing this already makes me feel much better. I'll let you all know how it goes.
Now just to be sure, I am very excited for what I have accomplished so far. I have learned a lot and continue to do so. Mike and I were even discussing tonight the possibility of me becoming certified as a personal trainer at some point. If I were to do it, it would be very part time. I just feel like it's something that I could do well after the years of struggling and learning that I've done. It would be great to help other people accomplish their goals because I know how it feels to be on both sides and I know that it's possible. It's probably not something that we'll jump on right away for various reasons, but it's a current thought process and it would be really cool. We'll see.
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Don't forget about how much you have toned up and how much muscle you have. That is a huge factor in the scale reading. Lands End has some really cute swim suits to check out.
ReplyDeleteYou had such a hot swimsuit last year -- We'll find another one this year. We just ran out of time and bladder. Don't be discouraged! Can't wait to hear about your 12 week program!
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