Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A bit more frustration, but new hope...

So after my frustration last week, I decided to try to let go a bit and stop driving myself crazy. We enjoyed a lovely Mother's Day weekend with a couple of minor indulgences that made me feel a bit better. I think after a while of too much strictness, it's good to enjoy food again... which makes me realize that I was probably being too strict and working out a little too hard. Getting in shape shouldn't be a depressing project, which it was becoming at that point. So, I relaxed just a bit over the weekend and thought that I was ready with a new outlook for this week. Well, then today, I did the most dreaded thing-- I tried on swimsuits. I wasn't going to until I reached my 155 goal, but when I realized that I might need to loosen up on that a bit, I thought I should go ahead and get a swimsuit because I am READY for the pool. It wasn't as enjoyable as I hoped it would be (except that Nora was with me, which makes anything more fun!). I realize that I've come a long way and I certainly look better than I did last summer, but it continues to be extremely frustrating to me that I work as hard as I do and that I haven't seen much progress in several months. After my shopping trip, I watched the Biggest Loser finale recorded from last night and while I thought it would motivate me, it only frustrated me more. I saw these people who did it-- they went all the way. Of course, I have no intention or desire to do what they have to do in order to accomplish their goals. I realize that in the real world, you can't lose weight that quickly and I am perfectly ok with that. The only thing that bothered me about it was just to see that it is possible to get the final result that a person desires while I feel like I'm working hard without the results. The swimsuit and show combination left me truly frustrated to the point of crying... which was ridiculous, but cathartic (although Mike might just leave it at "ridiculous"). I just feel like I'm so close to where I want to be and I can't quite get there. I've wanted this for 15 years and here I am.... just a little farther than I can reach, it has seemed. Well, after my minor emotional break down, I went to the gym for a good run and I talked to one of the trainers there. At the Lifetime, they have these fitness tests that they can do that will tell a person exactly how many calories they are burning during each workout and what they need to do individually to see progress. I have been working out much the same over the last year and it seems that my body is just used to it. On one hand, I guess it's a good thing that my heart is so well-conditioned to running 6 or more miles. On the other hand, I need to make it work a little harder in order to burn the fat. So I'll have the test done on Saturday and the trainer will put me on a 12-week program. I'll buy a heart rate monitor which will tell me what my heart rate is and exactly how many calories I'm burning during each workout. I'm also going to do another test that will tell me just how many calories I should be consuming in order for my body to work efficiently. The trainer suspects that I'm not getting enough, which is also a hinderment to weight loss efforts, it appears. These are some pretty high-tech things we'll be doing so I'm confident that they are accurate and that this will help me get to the next level. It may seem ridiculous to some to spend money on this but listen, I work incredibly too hard to not be where I want to be and quite frankly, I deserve to be there. 15 years people! And besides, it's not much money anyway... if it'll get me the rest of the way, it will be worth every penny. The prospect of doing this already makes me feel much better. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Now just to be sure, I am very excited for what I have accomplished so far. I have learned a lot and continue to do so. Mike and I were even discussing tonight the possibility of me becoming certified as a personal trainer at some point. If I were to do it, it would be very part time. I just feel like it's something that I could do well after the years of struggling and learning that I've done. It would be great to help other people accomplish their goals because I know how it feels to be on both sides and I know that it's possible. It's probably not something that we'll jump on right away for various reasons, but it's a current thought process and it would be really cool. We'll see.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Not the best day

It's Thursday and for some reason, Thursdays aren't always my best days. It's the end of the week for us so perhaps it's just the pent up frustrations that gather throughout the week and seem to manifest themselves all in one day. I realize that Mike's schedule may seem luxurious to some, but not if you really know what that schedule entails. We get up at 5 so we can do our morning routine in time for him to get to work by 7:00. Yes, he has his long lunch breaks, which we spend at the gym and then it's a hurried lunch and back to work. He doesn't get home until 7:00 pm at the earliest, sometimes not until close to 8. By that time, I'm fairly batty and ready for some relief. He works very hard for those four days and then there are Friday morning meetings and weekend screenings, often more than one. There are always phone calls, emergency patients, decisions to make for the office, errands to run for the office, etc. etc. etc.
Ok, I'm complaining... and I don't mean to, because 90% of the time I love everything about the practice, his role, my role, and the time we do have to share together. On Thursdays, though, I'm a little spent and ready for the weekend. Tonight was no exception. I cleaned and worked around the house all day, ran some errands, and completely ran out of steam by the time dinner needed to be cooked. UG! Mike came to the rescue... with Taco Bell. I didn't even care by that point. I didn't care so much that I not only ate my tacos (fresco style, if that counts for anything), but I munched on Lacey's crackers and just now, at 11:30, a bowl of cereal. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I realize that one bad night isn't the worst thing in the world by any means, but I'm frustrated that I didn't prepare myself better. I will certainly run a few extra miles this weekend and I'll be more careful to make up for it, but there is a lesson to be learned. On Thursdays, dinner needs to prepared much earlier than normal. I either need to make enough food on Wednesday nights that it will give us dinner again on Thursday, or I need to use the crockpot in the morning, or maybe even prepare something while Lacey naps. So I'm writing this entry to remind myself of that committment so this doesn't happen again. Avoiding pitfals, I'm discovering, is all about recognizing when they happen and being prepared... so my challenge to any of you who are also trying to be more healthy is to sit down and think about the things that usually get you and then think of ways you can defend yourself against them.

By the way, my complaints this evening are really just the ramblings of a woman who needs to be in bed. I really do love Mike's profession and I recognize that we have so many opportunities and blessings that many people don't have and that I certainly don't have it rough. I don't mean to whine or to appear ungrateful... just trying to illustrate the frame of mind that led to tonight's demise. Tomorrow is a new day and we have a lovely Mother's Day weekend to celebrate and lots of time to spend as a family. And I'm getting a massage on Saturday so I will be quite the new woman! :)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Cleansing Effect

Today, I decided to rid myself of all of the old, baggy clothes that represent what I once was. What started as just an organizational project became a fairly empowering moment for me. These piles of clothes range in sizes from 12 to 16 (although I had already gotten rid of most of my 16s last year). I'm hanging on to the 10s for now, mostly because my wardrobe is fairly bare now and I need something to wear as I build it back up. As I sorted through all of these clothes, I distincly remembered how I felt in some of the pieces. The most exciting was a dress that once served as my motivation piece-- the thing that I couldn't wait to fit into. I even put it on today just to see how it fit now, and it was huge on me. That was fun! Most of the clothes are actually pretty cute and they served me well, but I am happy to be parting with them.







I really wish I had started this blog last year when I began this journey so everyone could see that it's not a constant celebration as it has been for me just recently. There were difficult moments along the way and I have struggled as many of you do at times. This, for me, is the other side of all of that. I am still working hard and striving to reach my goal, but I am happy to feel like a completely new person. My point is that yes, it is difficult, but SO COMPLETELY WORTH IT!!!!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

End of the week

Ah, Saturday night... the end of another busy week. It's been incredibly rainy, which is perfect for a night in. Mike is feeding Lacey her night time bottle and I assume that she fell asleep in his arms. They've been in there quietly for some time. It's not often that she falls asleep as we rock her so Mike seems to be enjoying every minute of it. So sweet!

Anyway, it was a great week on "the journey". (My weight loss efforts seem to have turned into the title of a television show... or perhaps that will be the title of the book I'll write some day... though I'm sure it's been used before and it's not entirely original or creative. Scratch the book idea! :) Each week, I add a new focus to my routine. Last week, my focus was getting every work in and making each one really count. This week, I continued with that and I gave extra focus to what I'm eating. I did pretty well in that department last week, but it needed a little tweaking. I want to make sure that I get plenty of protein to help replenish and build those muscles I'm working on, the right amounts of carbohydrates to fuel my running, and the right kinds of fats. Oh, I also focused on taking my supplements every night. A+ all around and I have never felt better! The vitamins and supplements have made a huge difference. I've always been pretty lax about taking vitamins, which Mike has always been bothered by... possibly because all of the bruises I get from the lack of vitamins make it appear as though he beats me. :) Just kidding... he's actually quite concerned with my general health and well-being. Guess he wants me to live for a while or something. Anyway, my point is that they make a difference so if you're not taking them, do it. And the very act of taking them seems to make me even more conscious of my health which feeds into other things that I do. Next week, I'll focus on all of the aforementioned things as well as taking sups twice a day. I'm also going to change things up a bit with my workouts as I have learned some helpful information. Here it is: most women tend to think that when weight-training, higher-reps equals greater results and they often do the same thing every week without changing the amount of weight or the number of reps. Mistake. It is actually better to vary things constantly. Doing lower reps (3-8) at a higher weight will help to build muscle strength. Doing moderate reps (8-15) helps to build muscle mass and high reps (15-25+) helps to build muscle endurance. Each of these things is important to us women so each type of workout should be employed. The calorie burning effect is actually not significantly different from one workout to the next as is commonly thought. The recommendation is to mix it up. For example:
Week 1: Low
Week 2: Medium
Week 3: High
Week 4: Medium
Week 5: Low
Week 6: High
Etc.
It doesn't have to go in exact order from low to high and then repeat... in fact, it's better if it doesn't as it will trick your muscles to constantly mix it up. When you do the exercise, do enough weight that you just can't do any more beyond the planned number of reps. If you could keep going for several more, then you need to increase your weight. Really focus on the contraction of the proper muscle on each exercise. No swinging your arms or swaying your back to get it up... if you're having to do that, you may need to decrease your weight to really utilize the intended muscle. Why work out if you're not going to do it right?
If working out seems too painful or you just don't want to do it, get over it! Seriously. The benefits of exercise far outweight the temporary pain you might experience. And though it may take a while, you actually may grow to enjoy it, especially when you start seeing the transformation in your body. Who wants to just be thin? We're going for healthier bodies here, not just fitting into a certain size.

I watched an episode of Oprah this week where she discussed "falling off the wagon". Kirstie Alley was on it and would you believe that she has gained back every pound that she just lost? I was so sad for her, and for the man who went from 1100 pounds to 193 and ALL THE WAY back to 1100. I realize that this is so common and very easy to do. The problem I see is that people are dieting to lose weight. We all know that there is a beginning and an end to a diet, and that's why weight is regained. Once a certain number or a certain size is reached, people often feel like they've won the battle. The problem is that so many people do things temporarily with no intention of continuing on the same path. That is why Mike and I always emphasize that we are working on a lifestyle. If in your own weight loss efforts you do something that you can't see yourself doing for the rest of your life, then there really isn't much point in doing it... you'll likely just gain the weight back. If, however, you make changes that you can incorporate into your lifestyle, then you will be able to continue on that path for the rest of your life and be healthy, not just thin. I am aware that I won't have to work quite as hard as I'm working now once I've reached my goal weight, but I fully intend on continuing to work out every day and I will eat much the same way that I am now. I'm sure I'll fluctuate here and there and I can't say for certain that I'll never struggle again, especially because I'll continue to have babies, but I am learning as I go here and the goal is to always live what I've learned. The weight has come off slowly at times but that hasn't stopped me because this is our lives, not a diet. Mike and I will enjoy a family dinner or PF Changs every once in a while without the typical and depressing guilt-ridden feeling of crashing a diet (which, you know, often completely kills a diet altogher. Yet another pitfall!). I don't know if any of this is helpful to anyone, but these are things that have made monumental differences in my efforts. Believe me, I have been through it all and felt every painful feeling associated with losing weight. I have refused to feel that way this time and that, I feel, is why I have been successful. So there you go. Take that for what it's worth.

And on an ending note (I may have just written that book in this one entry!), I will part with my end-of-the-week results. I am officially weighing myself at the gym as their scale is supposed to be quite accurate. 162 today!!! That's 5 pounds since I started writing and I am thrilled! Oh, I also got my body fat tested yesterday: 25%. I'm on the low end of the average range and once I reach my goal of 155, I should be right about 20%. Not too shabby! 7 pounds to go!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

And today...

... I went shopping with Nora today. It was a great girl's day out while Alex was at school and the men were working. We even got to drive together to the Grapevine Mills mall because Lacey could sit in Alex's carseat. Sweet! And, I bought a size 6 dress. YES!!!!! My very first size 6 anything and I'm thrilled. What a great feeling!
Oh, and I weighed myself at Nora's house and her scale said that I weighed 161 pounds so I'm kinda thinkin I'll stick with that number! :)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A Little Triumph

The last week has been filled with very hard work and not as much movement on the scale as I would like to see. 165. Ug. I'm beginning to wonder if there is something hindering my success. I realize of course that I have had a great deal of success so that seems ridiculous, but think about it-- 40 pounds in a year. That's healthy and respectable, I realize, but for as hard as I work, I shouldn't have been stuck for the last several months. I wonder about thyroid issues, or if maybe my infected gallbladder is slowing things down, or if my vitamin deficiency is to blame. Who knows? Perhaps I'll go get some blood work done to see if any of that is possible. I am being much more dedicated recently to taking the supplements for my gallbladder and my vitamins so we'll see if that helps.

Despite all of that, I did have an encouraging day today. I went shopping. Heheee. I bought a few cute outfits from Ann Taylor Loft and required size 8 pants and small tops. Seriously!?!? I mean, I've bought a size 8 before, but I kind of thought it was a fluke. Now, everything that fit was size 8. WAHOO! More exciting was that the size SIX (had to spell it out so I could capitalize it for effect) dress that I tried on totally fit. SIZE SIX!!!! Unfortunately, their dresses aren't quite long enough so I didn't purchase it, but it did fit. Let me just tell you that never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would fit into a size 6 anything. Quite frankly, I thought that hoping for size 8 was kind of pushing it and that size 10 would be my happy place. Nope! It's very exciting to be here. I love trying things on and having them fit and look great. My mother can tell you that shopping with me used to be rather on the depressing side because of my mood but, unfortunately for Mike, that is no longer the case. So with that triumph, and the fact that I did lose half an inch around my waist in the last week or so, I will continue moving forward and not giving in to discouragement.

As for what this week entails, so far it's fairly similar to last week. I couldn't make it to the weight lifting class yesterday so I did my own full-body weight routine and I ran four miles. Today, I did a major leg workout with about 25 minutes of cardio... didn't add any more in because Mike was home with Lacey and I needed to relieve him. Tomorrow, I'll run 6 miles, more if I have it in me, and do a good ab workout. Thursday: arms, abs, run 5 miles. Friday: Back, chest, shoulders, 45-minutes of cardio, and Saturday I'll run another 6 or 7 miles and work the abs. Oh, and because I didn't report from last week, I did exceed my goal of running 20 miles. I ran 24. We'll see how many I end up doing this week.

Food: Monday: Boston Market roasted chicken, green beans, and new potatoes. Tuesday: tacos. Wednesday: Chicken tortilla soup. Thursday: The pork that I never made last week. Leftovers for the weekend.

There you have it. Let's kick butt this week!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Checking in

Well I'm thrilled that people have joined me here to track my journey. The accountability thing is definitely helping!
Here's what this week looks like:
Workouts--
Monday: 5 mile run, 1-hr total body weight training class. Abs. Done! That class was a bit brutal but it all felt great!
Tuesday: 45ish minutes weights- leg day. Ouchie! Lots of squats, which were fairly painful after the squats we did in the class yesterday. This is my biggest trouble spot though so it was necessary. Oh, and 45 minutes of cardio. Tip: when I'm weight-training, I warm up with a five-minute run to get my heart rate up. Between sets, I jump rope or run for two minutes to keep my heart rate going. I also superset part of the workout which serves the same purpose. Elevated heart rate = more burned calories! I end with half an hour on a cardio machine.
Wednesday: Run 5 miles. Um... I may add a mile or two or throw a class in there due to the jelly bean incident that I had this evening. Note to self: first of all, get rid of all candy... too temping. (We don't buy candy but there were some Easter goodies left. Bad news.) Secondly, don't get too hungry. It leads to bad things.
Thursday: Arm day. I love training arms! I'll do the same thing with keeping my heart rate elevated as I did on leg day today. Abs. If I'm up for it, I'll do half an hour- 45 minutes of cardio but if my legs are weary, I'll give 'em a rest to prepare for two more big runs at the end of the week.
Friday: Run 5 miles. Chest, back and shoulder workout. Love this workout too! I love the way a sculpted back and shoulders looks so it's fun to work on.
Saturday: Run 6 miles. Abs.

I realize that this is a pretty heavy workout schedule and most people don't have the time or desire to do it. I happen to have both. I actually really do love working out so this isn't so taxing on me. Plus, I do realize that this is temporary. Some weeks I go really hard, others I lighten up... just depends on my goal for the week. I'll probably stick with this until June so I can do as much as I can to reach my goal of 155.

As for what we're eating this week, here's an idea:
Monday: I made a chicken and wild rice dish that I saw in a magazine. Not worth sharing. It wasn't great. It was healthy though so it does receive points for that.
Tuesday: Shrimp and bean packets. Sounds weird, but it was really pretty good. Basically, it's 1 1/4 lb. shrimp, 1 can of cannellini beans, and sliced tomato seasoned with Old Bay, green onions, pepper, and lemon zest with an (1 tsp) olive oil, (1/4 c) chicken broth, and (1 tbsp.) lemon juice mixture drizzled over it. You put all of that onto four strips of aluminum foil, seal the packets up, and bake them on 350 for 20 minutes. Serve with a slice of toasted sourdough bread. I made some wild rice in case it wasn't filling enough but it actually wasn't necessary. It was a fun, simple, and tasty little meal. And yes, Mom, it could work on a campout.
Wednesday: Missionaries are coming over so I am finally allowing Mike to have some lasagna. The poor guy has had to smell two lasagnas in the last week and a half that I made for other families. We don't eat it very often because, let's face it, it's not the healthiest meal. But I do make it with the leanest of everything so it's not so so bad. Small portion and send the leftovers with the missionaries.
Thursday: Pork tenderloin, sweet potatoes, asparagus. Nothing fancy but it's all in the fridge so it works.
Friday: Sushi night!
Saturday: I don't even know where we'll be so there's no telling. It will be healthy though, whatever it is.
Sunday: Apparently it's Cafe Rio pork salad with the Whelan clan. Mmmmm! Looking forward to that!

As for breakfast, I typically drink an Isagenix shake. It's easy and I don't have to think about it. Works for me. Lunch-- leftovers if available. If not, I'll throw some chicken tenderloins on the George Foreman and make a grilled chicken salad. Or tuna fish pita sandwiches. Stuff like that.

To answer Suzy's question, I agree with eating the bulk of carbs early in the day if you're going to eat them. Obviously, I do throw some carbs in our dinners but I don't eat much of them, if any... they're usually there for Mike who is starving by the time he gets home after a long day. I tend to be fairly low carb. It's actually best to eat your carbs before and after a cardio session. I'll often have a banana some time before a run and then I'll eat pineapple and cottage cheese afterward to get a good carb and protein for muscle growth. When working out, especially if you do it a lot, it's imperative to get proper nutrition and adequate rest. We're not working to ware our bodies down but to strengthen them and make them healthier.

As of this morning, I was down to 155.5. That's a pound down so far! Stay tuned for more!